Confidence

Keep the Door Closed

Photo by the one and only Alina Mamlyuk

Photo by the one and only Alina Mamlyuk

I have learned many lessons in my life, especially in the last year. They were all completely necessary and vital to the success of my purpose. Perhaps the most powerful fact that I gained this season is to be thankful for the closed doors.

After I resigned from my job, I mourned the closed door for 3 solid months. I stood there looking at it hoping that in some way the door would crack open, the uncomfortable comfort would seep out and I would be who I thought I was supposed to be again. There came a moment when the grief was exhausting and I took a baby step away, then another and another. The door slowly but surely faded into the background of the beautiful hallway that I was traveling down. I failed to see it because I was too busy looking at a rickety, old, dilapidated door that was doing nothing for me and hadn’t served me for years even when I was inside of it.

That closed door introduced me to a gorgeous life. Without it, I would never have seen the beauty of the current day. I am so incredibly thankful for it. As a matter of fact when a door is closing, I slam that bad boy shut, seal it with nails and block myself from ever walking into that exit again. Some would call it cut throat. I call it clear direction. Closed doors create intentional forward movement because the only option you should make, is to walk away from them.

But of course as humans, not only do we stand there and look at the door, we also do everything in our power to pry it open. We will literally harm ourselves to get a glimpse of what God no longer wants us to see. About an hour ago, God closed a door for me. In the past I would have lunged at the knob and used all of my might to keep it open but instead I thanked God for His decision and wished the door well. I bid it adieu and kept it moving.

I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that I am walking towards the doors God wants me to walk through instead of entertaining the ones that are departed.

There are literally people (I was one of them) that reside in dead doorways. We fear whats on the other side of them so much, that we stay stagnant. We incarcerate our purpose in a memory.

I say all that to say this: don’t be that person.

There is no time to delay. Start following the map that God has literally laid out for you with every single closed door. While they don’t always make sense, they are concluded to create movement. Thank them for the experience and move onward my friend.

One Giant Night

Photo by Nikki Notarte

Photo by Nikki Notarte

Today is a GIANT day for many reasons..

1. Season 3 of My Giant Life on TLC premieres TONIGHT at 10/9c! I am blessed to have been added to the cast. I am proud to be the first African American cast member and hope that ALL women find inspiration through the lives of the women on the show.

2. I am stepping ALL THE WAY outside my comfort zone. Listen, putting your story in the hands of someone else is completely uncomfortable. It has stretched me and in turn I have grown in ways that I never would have. I now see the beauty in being uncomfortable and I know that no matter what comes out of this show, that I will be better in the end and God will ultimately use it for my good. It certainly will not look that way that I think it should, but I rest in the fact that it will be exactly what it needs to be.

3. I get to share my story on a major level. I was built to tell my story. It's part of my purpose. This opportunity was mapped out for me before I was even born. Having the faith to be so vulnerable in front of hundreds of thousands of people is a step of obedience. I am blessed to have been given this responsibility. If I inspire just one person from this show, my transparency will have been worth it.

4. This is a huge step in loving myself completely. Man...when ya girl saw the trailer I was like ummmm that's not the way I look! I freaked out. I wasn't used to seeing myself with natural hair (as I stopped wearing a weave a short time before the filming), the angles aren't the most flattering and I indeed look taller than everyone else. Well Alicia, I hate to break it to you (in my sarcastic voice) but you are. See, we tend to only show the world our best angles. We can scream we love ourselves from the mountain tops until the perspective changes. Can your confidence remain strong despite an unsavory viewpoint? Will you continue to stay resilient despite what others think and say? Without a doubt, this is a test of self-love and I'm here to pass it.

5. It's an accomplishment. It took a lot of work to get to this point and really, this is just the beginning. I'm going to work harder than ever but tomorrow is a time to celebrate this milestone in my journey.

6. I get to share this win with all of you. God has given me a community that I share every accomplishment with. I am honored to be on this journey with friends and family which includes you. We are standing Talll every day, in every way together and today is no different. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me!

Those are just some of the many reasons that today is truly a giant of a day. Check out the preview below as well as a segment that I did with Right this minute previewing tonight's premiere. I am blessed to have had many opportunities to tell my story which I will share with you soon!

See you tonight at 10/9c...it's going to be a wild ride!

So Nice to Meet You

Video by Karina Anglada. Photos by Nikki Notarte.

I may already know you but a refresher wouldn't hurt:) If this is our first time, it's so nice to meet you! We also need to talk about My Giant Life, my reasons for doing it and what you should NEVER say to a tall girl.

Please press play and don't forget to tune in to TLC this Sunday at 10/9c. See you there!

Say My Name

 
Tall suit - ASOS/Tall Bodysuit - ASOS/Necklace - Candid Art/Shoes - Calvin Klein via Nordstrom RackPhotography and makeup - Nikki Notarte

Tall suit - ASOS/Tall Bodysuit - ASOS/Necklace - Candid Art/Shoes - Calvin Klein via Nordstrom Rack

Photography and makeup - Nikki Notarte

Today I presented a concept at work that I have been cultivating for over 2 years now. It was the 4th time I had pitched the idea and I’m happy to report that it was well received. I was and am elated that my idea will go in to motion but I realized something about my presentation today that was and is incredibly disturbing…

I never put my name on it.

Somehow I believed that my idea that I had poured into, crafted and toiled to bring to the surface didn’t deserve my name.

Yes. This could be an honest mistake but “mistakes” like these often have a deeper meaning.

I, like probably every woman on the planet, have had to fight at times for my opinion to be taken seriously because I am a woman. I have been undervalued simply because of my gender. There have even been times when the good ol boys club purposefully excluded me from information that was imperative to my success. And the list unfortunately goes on…

All of these things are hurtful and silently damaging to the strongest of women. They chip away at you and if you aren’t careful dry rot your confidence. You start second guessing yourself and before you know it, adopt the exact insecurities they are dealing and leave your name off of your masterpiece.

What we need to realize is that the club rejects us for a reason; we are a clear and present threat. The people that discriminate against women, both consciously and subconsciously, do it because THEY are insecure. It’s a symptom of their sick ideology. It’s not for you to understand but it’s certainly something that you can’t consume. Leave it right there on the table.

I say this as someone who let it get to me, gave in from time to time and believed the lies to her core. I let them use my strength against me but NO MAS.

I will stand up for myself, know I am fully capable, continually voice my opinions and protect my space at all costs. This woman is here to roar and most certainly will use a permanent marker to write her full government name on anything she accomplishes.

Get out those sharpies ladies…it’s time to sign your names like you have never signed before! We have a lot of ground to cover. I say we start with their foreheads ;-)

 

The CURATD Life

I have a pretty good sized closet and a separate wardrobe. The amount of clothes that I have is kinda ridiculous and today solidified it. My poor wardrobe basically crumbled because the weight of the clothes bent the dang bar in half.

Even prior to my wardrobegate, I have been looking at ways to downsize all of my stuff. I have accumulated some clutter and she has to go! With that said, I have been looking at ways to adopt a life of giving away the old and efficiently acquiring the new. 

Enter the CURATD collection from Long Tall Sally. The pieces are very well made, forward thinking and importantly versatile. As you can see in this lookbook, you can create a plethora of outfits from minimal pieces. It's a smart, stylish buy that will foster your fierce for seasons to come and right now...it's even better because the collection in on discount!

Thanks for checking out the lookbook and tell me what you want to see next!

I also have it on my heart to tell you this...

You are amazing. Stop believing those lies that they are telling you. Nothing about you is a mistake and every single part of you was meant for a purpose. You are here to make a change in a way that only YOU can. Stop comparing yourself to others and walk forward in faith knowing that He built you to do all things!